Men - Are You Too Nice for Church?

A recent article in "Today's Christian Woman" magazine was recently referred to me by my wife. The title of the article: No More Christian Nice Guy. The article was an interview of Paul Coughlin, author, Christian radio talk-show host and married father of three. He is the author of the book "No More Christian Nice Guy" and the website www.ChristianNiceGuy.com.

Here's a link to the whole article... http://www.christianitytoday.com/tcw/2006/002/13.38.html

So, immediately I'm thinking that it cannot be a good sign if my wife is referring me to this article. After reading a few paragraphs, I realize why she referred it to me. I will share some excerpts of the article below along with my comments... Be ready to be challenged if you think of yourself as a "nice" guy and a "good" Christian.

So what's wrong with being nice?

If by "nice" you mean a person who's gentle and patient, then there's nothing wrong with that. Those attributes are fruits of the Spirit. But oftentimes when someone is described as a "nice" guy, it's not as it appears. Nice people are often passive; they're hiding behind that "niceness."... [Nice guys often] go with the flow - not because they agree with you, but because they're afraid of conflict.

But as followers of Christ, we're supposed to be honest with others. We're supposed to be salt and light to those who don't know Jesus (Matthew 5:13-16). It's difficult to be salt and light when you think you've got to be aggreeable all the time.

My comments: Recently, a pastor from our church asked a group of us a question... Are you a truth-teller or a grace-giver? He went on to explain that most of us tend to fall in one category or the other most of the time - even when the situation dictates the opposite. Jesus had the perfect balance. He knew exactly when to give grace and when to speak truth into a situation. As a sidenote... most often times He was giving grace to the undesirables and speaking truth to the religious leaders and His followers.

If nice is bad, what's the better alternative?

Being a Good Guy. A Good Guy is willing to enter into a conflict to be a redemptive force for good. He has a strong will. He takes chances on occasion. He's protective of those in his care. He stands up for injustice. Where a Nice Guy is pretty emotionless, a Good Guy is passionate about life. His way of living looks a lot more like the "abundant life" Jesus talks about in John 10:10.

My comments: Do you tend to let your boss, your neighbor, your coworker, or your spouse take advantage of you? Do you say no when you feel pressure to say yes? Do you share your real feelings with your spouse when she asks you your opinion?

This is just an excerpt, but based on this article, I would encourage guys that feel like this speaks to them to consider reading the book. By the way, the article does conclude by suggesting that this passivity can be for women as well.